Dancing With Stars For Fucking Morons
I would like to plead with those of you who are watching tonight's Season Premiere of ABC's Dancing With The Stars to please Please PLEASE kill yourselves as soon as humanly possible. Have no mercy, and don't make it a quick, easy death either. Try to remember that supporting Dancing With The Stars is the cultural equivalent of giggling joyously whilst anally raping an 85-year-old woman with a blunt, anthrax-coated samurai sword in front of all 13 of her great grandchildren, each of whom, in his/her pubescent glory, is simultaneously being forced to fellate a defrocked priest from Bayonne, New Jersey--none of whom has bathed since the Asian financial crisis of 1997 and each of whom had gathered, at that time, along the Western shores of Borneo to fuck the bloody eye sockets and eat the corpses of the racially and ethnically inferior Madurese ("they're lazy and violent").
Remember, you are stupid enough to be entertained by Tom Delay and have therefore given up your right to exist. You are hereby reminded to quit breathing the oxygen meant for others as soon as you can conveniently contrive the aforementioned painful death.
Good bye.
Good riddance. We'll not miss you at all.
Thanks and big smoochies,
Your bastion of good taste and well-earned elitism,
---the PseudoLatino
Posted by earwicker at 09:42 PM
Dwarf Porn RULES!
Yes. Even the Israelis LOVE it. Despite my horrible anti-Zionist rants. How do I know? Well . . . for some odd reason, I decided to check my statcounter.com account this evening to see if anyone has been viewing my blog and--if so--what they've been viewing and where they're from. To my great surprise and satisfaction, people ALL OVER THE WORLD are visiting my blog regularly . . . despite the fact that I've only posted 9 times in the last 12 months.
Guess who's visiting? And guess what they're looking for???
Posted by earwicker at 03:40 AM
Palestine 31, Israel 350 (and counting)
Having no interest whatsoever in venerating a country, or a people, simply because its/their forefathers experienced a truly horrific tragedy some 60 years ago, I feel compelled to say goodbye (Shalom?) to 2008 with a resounding "FUCK YOU" to the embarrassingly pugilistic, more-murderous-than-their-"terrorist"-enemies, guilt-mongering Nation of Israel (not that the aforementioned tragedy is anywhere NEAR as unique or singular as the ignorant among us would lead us to believe--can you say "Stalin?" How 'bout "Cambodia?" "Mao Zedong?")
Just FYI: according to Israel's own Ministry of Foreign Affairs, the grand total of Israelis killed by Palestinian "terrorists" in 2008 is 31. That's right. 31. Less than one-tenth of the number of dead Palestinian "terrorists" that Israel has racked up in the last 2 days alone. Go Israel! Show 'em what you're made of! Rah rah RAH!!! Yay TEAM!!
Posted by earwicker at 11:59 PM
Turkey Day Truths
Beloved Friends & Sad, Lurking Idiots,
Since it's once again time for the freakin' holidays, I felt it appropriate to share a few lines that sum up the real "Reason for the Season" much better than any faux diety or the generic false piety towards one's fellow man so rampant in the lesser minds of . . . well . . . lesser minds. While I certainly hope each of you has a relaxing and enjoyable Thanksgiving, I hope you'll keep these Truths in mind while you're sitting across the dinner table from your obnoxious children, siblings, parents, or other brutally overrated relatives.
This Be The Verse
---philip larkin, 1971They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
Your bastion of Truth, Beauty, and the Any-Way-but-the-American-Way,
---the PseudoLatino
Posted by earwicker at 08:01 PM
Still More Whores for Gloria
*sigh*
Would that Yours Truly had time to do naught but read . . . and read . . . and read and read and read. And read some more.
Year 2008 Non-Resolution #7: Increased Reading, continues to move forward satisfactorily.
The downside to this success is that, like most drugs worth taking, every high just increases the desire for the next fix. So much to read. So little time! And, appropriately for that particular choice of metaphor, today's eight-ball was served up by none other than William T. Vollmann, through the vehicle of his 1991 novel Whores for Gloria. It's a short, simple read, full of heart-breakingly sad, tender, sometimes violent and stomach-turning tales of street prostitutes in the Tenderloin district of San Francisco.
Posted by earwicker at 11:59 PM