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The Tango Terrorist?

Hysterically, the blacklisting continues . . . and it turns out it's not because I'm a COMMUNIST, but because I'm a TERRORIST!! How cool is that??? Read on as Yours Truly demonstrates the gaps of logic and good taste in the Edict just received from the Club de Tango of the Centro Argentino. Try to believe Your Hero when he tells you that this is actually meant to be taken SERIOUSLY, although it reads like too good to be true Satire. Enjoy (I know I did).

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Here is a reprinting of the official position of the Centro Argentino of DFW (which they posted in that Thread of Threads--"Enough is Enough!"):

Due to your publicly expressed aggresive comments directed to specific members of the DFW tango community on this website, I am forced to inform you that your presence will not be allowed in any of the future Club de Tango of the Centro Argentino of DFW activities. As president of this club I am responsible for the safety of all participants of its activities and we have zero tolerance for violence, threats, or wishes to inflict harm.

Signed: Daniel Ferrari 12/19/2004

To which must be added Daniel's direct electronic comment to me (which, in this case, I am certain isn't meant to be "private" and so I'm reprinting here):

We live in times were ANY aggresive actions or statements have to be considered as VERY dangerous, so we have.

Cool! So because there may be TERRORISTS out there, the Club de Tango of the Centro Argentino of DFW needs to be careful of The Pseudo-Latino? That's the FUNNIEST thing (and most embarrassing) I've heard in a LONG LONG time. Yer TOO funny, dood! You're so funny there should be a law against it! No, really! I mean, c'mon: "Zero tolerance?" I'm DYIN' with laughter over here! Zero tolerance for . . . ? Murder? Rape? Bad Tango Instruction? Boring Milongas? Oh, no . . . that's right . . . zero tolerance for ME! Excellent. But, since you've put this out there with a straight face, allow the Pseudo-Latino to reveal the inappropriateness of what you've said. M'k? Good. You claim you have zero tolerance for:

1. violence. Fine. Good! Excellent! No one you know or can dig up can point to an instance of violence involving Yours Truly--unless of course you're responsible for the safety of plates, sunroofs, or car doors. Go hire Hercule Poirot if you'd like, it won't help your flimsy case one iota. So, you can sleep well at night knowing that The Pseudo-Latino could continue to attend your events even while you faithfully and loyally discharge your responsibilities as Director of Homeland Milonga Security (now THAT is a funny website!)
2. threats. Fine. Good! Excellent! Lemme see . . . hmmmm . . . what is a "threat?" A threat is "An expression of an intention to inflict pain, injury, evil, or punishment." So . . . since I don't ANYWHERE express an intention to harm either of the loud-mouthed, presumptuous instructors whom I have verbally abused on this, my personal website, this point is also moot, and we can move on once again without any fear that you are shirking your official obligations as Protector of Thin-skinned, Timid and Tender Tangueros. WooHOOO! Two for two!
3. wishes to inflict harm. Now. Here we have a bit more challenging point. Ok. Not more challenging really, but at least more complicated. Well, ok, not complicated either. Perhaps . . . nah. This is no more substantive than the other points. Anyone with a modicum of good sense and erudition can see how absurd it is. Does my writing express a wish to actually inflict harm, or does it express sarcasm, visceral annoyance, and dislike using figurative violence? Duh.

Give me, my Readers, and yourself a break here. If you REALLY think there is the SLIGHTEST literal component to a comment like "If I didn't like pidgeons so much, I'd cut off your head and feed it to them" then I suggest you stop PRETENDING to be worried about my mental stability or inclination towards violence and call the police! I'm dead serious here. You (and others) are using my linguistic style as an excuse to cover your asses, cut your losses, play politics, or feel good about yourselves. But you can't have your cake and eat it too, honeybuns. Either I'm TRULY a danger, in which case you're hardly helping anything by excluding me from a couple of Milongas, or (and this one gets MY vote) you're blowing smoke up my ass and everyone else's and just grasping at the easiest available EXCUSE to exclude me because, well, that's just what you want to do! So what is it? Why don't you report me? Alert Law Enforcement to The Walking Pseudo-Timebomb of Pseudo-Terror! PLEASE!!! There are LIVES at stake here!

Aren't there?

Uh-huh. Right. Suuuuuuuure there are. In point of fact, it's just politics as usual, Daniel. Better lock your door because (*gasp*) The Evil Stalker Pseudo-Latino is prowling DFW! I don't generally giggle, but for you I'm gonna make an exception:

*giggle*

As your next act of orifice . . . errrrr . . . I mean office, I suggest you ban YOURSELF from all Centro Argentino Tango events since you made REAL (though very very polite) threats against Napoleon at the Christmas Milonga. I was standing on the floor not 5 feet away from you when you did it. While you're at it, I'm pretty sure you'll have to ban the majority of that event's attendees because MANY of them expressed to me their fervent "wishes to inflict harm" on that self-same gentleman. And, after all, didn't you just say that the Centro Argentino has "zero tolerance for violence, threats, or wishes to inflict harm." Right? Perhaps what you MEANT to say was "Zero point Three Six Four (0.364) tolerance for violence, threats, or wishes to inflict harm. Zero (0.0) tolerance for Non-members???"

*hoot!*

I am laughing my ASS off here, Danny-boy. Tears-streaming-down-my-face-uncontrollably type laughter we're talking about. Blubbering, gut-wrenching laughter.

Next time you open your dictionary, I suggest you flip to the "D" section and try this one on for size (trust me, it'll fit):

Main Entry: double standard
Function: noun
1 : BIMETALLISM
2 : a set of principles that applies differently and usually more rigorously to one group of people or circumstances than to another

If that doesn't work for you, you'll definitely have a good time browsing the "H"s:

Main Entry: hy·poc·ri·sy
Pronunciation: hi-'pä-kr&-sE also hI-
Function: noun

1 : a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not; especially : the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion

As Ever I Remain Most Sincerely Yours,

His Highness,

---the Pseudo-Latino

Posted by earwicker at December 20, 2004 11:41 AM

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